Carousel: Drag Queens And Self-Love, MDMA As Therapy, And Why Women Don’t Keep Their Maiden Names


Happy almost-October! I have to admit that I’m finding all this Fall energy really inspiring. My mind is spinning with projects — I am literally in the middle of four big ones right now! — and all of this in addition to reworking my site. Yes! So exciting. I can’t wait for my new site to go live, and to show you everything else I’ve been cooking up. Something about the fact that the year is coming to a close has kicked my butt into high gear, and I’m loving it.

Without further ado, here are a WHOLE lot of links to finish off your month!

RuPaul won an Emmy and so he has been doing interviews like mad, which of course, I love. Here are some goodies: RuPaul’s Drag Race and the Art of Self-Love. Here’s why the fashion world loves Drag Race. (Duh.) ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Highlights the Struggle for Acceptance. How RuPaul Does It All—and Doesn’t Look Back. And RuPaul on Plastic Surgery and Being ‘Well’. Enjoy!

Instagram ‘celebrities’ are destroying the fashion industry. Substance, substance, substance.

When the fashion industry funds virtual “hearts” instead of real soul, we send a message to future generations that looking pretty is the same thing as creating beauty and building a “lifestyle brand” is the same thing as having a life. That’s just not true.

Apparently people who love gin are psychopaths. Okay then! Good to know!

Yumna Al-Arashi Is Upending the Stereotypes That Shackle Muslim Women. Yumna is great, I love her, and am so happy for her.

Gabrielle Union on sexual assault.

What happens when you use MDMA in a therapeutic setting to strengthen bonds with your lover or family?

Have your MDMA experiences changed the way you deal with conflict? Absolutely, yes. MDMA is egolytic [ego-dissolving] and the power struggle is between two egos. So, the more that the two egos feel separate, the more polarized the power struggle is. [With MDMA] you can empathically toggle between your perspective and theirs.

Here are 10 ways you can increase dopamine levels in the brain without medication.

I loved this. The war on drugs is an epic fail, narrated by Jay-Z and drawn by my girl Molly Crabapple! Here’s the other side of the story, told from a woman’s point of view.

How to be a writer: 10 tips from Rebecca Solnit. Genius.

Listen to your own feedback and remember that you move forward through mistakes and stumbles and flawed but aspiring work, not perfect pirouettes performed in the small space in which you initially stood. Listen to what makes your hair stand on end, your heart melt, and your eyes go wide, what stops you in your tracks and makes you want to live, wherever it comes from, and hope that your writing can do all those things for other people.

It’s hard to find vagina supplies, you know?

Sky Brown is 8 years old and she’s the youngest girl to ever skate in the Vans US Open Pro series. Badass!

I realised a while ago that friendships only deepen — or move past shallow waters — when we are vulnerable with one another, and this piece really sums it up. Friendship and vulnerability from The Book Of Life.

We get close to someone the more they – and we – find ourselves able gracefully to depart from the official story of what human beings are like, and can start to show the awkward truths which underlie the cheerful facade. These are the truths with which we have been lonely for too long: how unlike ‘normal’ sexuality our sex lives actually are; how full of envy our careers are proving; how unsatisfactory our family can be; how worried we are all the time.

Why So Few Women Keep Their Maiden Names. The percentage of women who keep their maiden names is at the same level it was in the 1970s. So why does the tradition persist?

“One family, one name. If she didn’t take my name, I’d seriously question her faith in us lasting as a couple. And I don’t want hyphenated kids,” wrote in Brandon Robert Joseph Peyton, an easily emasculated man-child with four first names.

A response to Marc Jacobs’ ridiculous excusing of white models in dreadlocks.

This is a 3D model of a clitoris – and the start of a sexual revolution.

James Altucher wrote about Dolf Lundgren, but not really.

I threw out everything I owned. But that is not minimalism. Minimalism is when I can throw out the thoughts in my head. The thoughts in my head are usually anxious, paranoid, panicked, etc. But when I have fewer thoughts it’s like watching a permanent sunset. So with each thought, I try to practice this: Label the thought “useful”, or “not useful”. When I am good at doing this I find I bounce back from loss incredibly quickly. When things are really bad, all I have to do is remind myself to label each thought.

I Used to Be a Human Being. An endless bombardment of news and gossip and images has rendered us manic information addicts. This is a really good read. I’ve started to think that we use cellphones the way we used to use cigarettes: as a physical barrier, to keep us safe, and to keep others away.

Rainbow art installations are good for you.

What’s the real reason white people say “all lives matter”? SIGH.

The problem with being “colorblind” — aside from the fact that we’re not really — is that it is really a white privilege to be able to ignore race.

I was interviewed for the Being Boss podcast with my girl Shauna, and we talked about business besties, balancing friendship and business when you go into business with a friend, doing what you believe in (despite the haters), and how to make friends as an adult.

This article is TRULY excellent: 8 ways you can survive and thrive in midlife. At every stage of life, you should be a rookie at something. Fuck yeah! And other great stuff.

Clayton Christensen at Harvard Business School describes the eroding effect of short-term decisions — specifically, doing the activity that brings you immediate gratification (such as work) and putting off harder but ultimately more fulfilling activities (such as investing in your marriage and children). I talked with many people who privileged work over family because work brought immediate rewards.

My Weirdly Life-Changing Month Using Affirmation Apps. I love this! Have a read.

Apparently Staying Friends With Your Ex Is Ruining Your Current Relationship. I don’t think this is necessarily true for everyone, but it’s worth a read to see if you recognise yourself in some of these behaviours.

Your Instagram photos can reveal whether you have depression. I’ve been saying this forever! Colour is meaningful!

Ever wondered about all those ridiculous “tummy teas” on Instagram? Check this out: Teatox Party. How laxative teas took over Instagram, one $250,000 celebrity endorsement at a time.

The depiction of NYC apartments in television has shifted rapidly since the heady days of Carrie Bradshaw’s $750/month apartment with a walk-in closet. Fictional New York City Apartments Get Real.

Kim Kardashian doesn’t give a fuck what you say.

The Dirty 30 Commandments of Working for Yourself: How to Slay Like an Unf*ckwithable Boss. YES girl.

Here’s how to DIY a writing retreat that is super-cheap, and super-effective.

Below is a video from my friend Terri Cole about healthy love. You’ll learn how to authentically apologize, why it’s important to show physical affection, how flexibility could change your relationship and your life, when jealousy is actually just insecurity (hint: always!), and how to appreciate every day with your partner.





Have a beautiful weekend!

Photo via Gucci. Meeeeeeeeow.

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Radical Self Love Letters

A Candy Pink Dress And A Whole New Silhouette


Hello, again! It me, your intrepid narrator, hanging out with a bunch of really old rocks, and wearing one of my favourite dresses. It was from Pinup Girl Clothing’s Deadly Dames collection, but it looks like they stopped making it. You can buy the skirt as a separate though!

I can’t believe it’s already September, and summer is officially over. It’s grey outside, it rained overnight, and we’re heading into cozy times. (I’ve been swaddling myself in a baby pink cardigan — this one! — like it’s my job.) But these photos remind me of this summer and all the silliness that went down. Oh what a time it was it was, oh what a time it was.


Look at them there rocks!


It has been really fun to start experimenting with new silhouettes and try out different things stylistically. For the last decade, I’ve been wearing a uniform of sorts, and it almost always boiled down to a t-shirt with an A-line skirt and ankle boots.

But over the past year, my body has completely changed. (These photos were taken just over a year ago, for contrast.) My breast augmentation has played a big role in that, but it’s also been over a year now since I stopped eating sugar. My workouts are totally different too: I use my whole body and I think about fitness in a whole new way. (Thanks, genius boyfriend.) So that has led to me trying new looks, and let me tell you, it made getting dressed up this summer so much more enjoyable!

I’ve been investigating more form-fitting styles (hand me that bandage skirt!), rocking a pair of black denim cut-offs on the regular, and even wearing booty shorts to the gym! WHAT?! This time last year, I would have shrivelled up and died at the mere thought.

But the thing I’m discovering is that we can only smash our fears when we face them. When you wear booty shorts in public and no one dies, you realise it’s not a big deal after all. The only “big deal” is in your head. And that, my friend, you have the power to change.


I’ve been getting so much joy out of dressing up lately, and it feels amazing. I’m not totally sure what my Fall/Winter style direction will be… But I’m excited to think about it!

Love always,

Photos by Made U Look Photography.

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When The Flame Of Your Passion Starts To Flicker


No matter who you are and no matter what level you’re at, you will — at some point — inevitably feel stuck when it comes to your passion. You could be five years in or twenty years deep, but rest assured: this will happen to you!

However, expected or not, it still feels like shit. Questioning what you love and wondering whether you should bother is an epic bummer. It really can be a dark night of the soul moment. And while you might feel like you’re being endlessly thrown around on the cruel seas of your subconscious, no feeling lasts forever. You can get out of this position, but it will require some work.

Here’s what you should do.

“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” — Banksy

We’re taught to push push push, no matter what. The fear is real: ‘If I stop now, will I be forgotten in a week?!’ We think that doing nothing would be worse than burning out, and that only goes to show how desperate our addiction to “doing” is. (If you’re not constantly doing, then there’s time for… Gasp… THOUGHTS! Emotions! Dealing with your actual life! How terrible!)

On her Magic Lessons podcast, Elizabeth Gilbert was speaking to an author who was having trouble writing her second book. She felt stuck and uninspired. Liz’s prescription? Don’t work on your book for a month. Do anything and everything else instead. Fill up your life with living. The author she gave this advice to said she initially thought, ‘Oh, good! I have permission to take a month off!’ But her next thought was, ‘I don’t know if I can stay away from it for 30 days… I have so much to say!’

This is exactly how a break should make you feel. If you end up charging back into your passion at the end of week two, that’s perfect. But if you need the full month, TAKE IT!

There are a few reasons why.

1. Most people outside your industry or interest will empathise with your plight but they won’t fully understand, simply because they haven’t really been there. It’s essential to talk to people who actually get it.

2. Commiserating can be a deeply healing experience. Sometimes, let’s face it, you just need to vent.

3. But the best reason to talk to your friends who are also artists, or teachers, or macrame enthusiasts, is that they will be able to brainstorm with you, and most crucially, they have the ability to connect you to people who can help.

As much as we all love to think that we can go it alone, that only works up to a certain point. Eventually, we have to reach out and expand. Our lives are only as rich as the relationships we have with other people. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends or peers about what you’re facing, because, believe me, you are not alone.

I have yet to hear about a role model who was blessed with a flawless childhood, sailed from one grown-up success to another, and then died peacefully in her bed. Do you know why? Because that is not the stuff of heroes! Heroes struggle. They have their imperfections and inadequacies. The reason we love and revere our idols is because of their humanity.

If you’re feeling stuck or frustrated, one of the best things you can do is to get down in the trenches with your heroes. Watch a documentary about their life, and realise that a blemish-free history is not what makes life interesting. Everyone experiences trying times. The trying times are not what define you. The only thing that counts is how you bounce back.

If you don’t feel reinvigorated — and full of ideas — after watching a documentary about your #1 inspiration, I will eat my hat.

This sounds so obvious, but it works! If you have writer’s block, google it. If you’ve lost your inspiration, google it. If you can’t find a good coach, google it!

As much as our problems cause us pain, grief, and anxiety, they are not unique or special. Thousands (if not millions) of people have had the exact same problem you’re going through right now, and the great thing about the internet is that everyone is sharing their stories and experiences.

You don’t need to constantly reinvent the wheel. As Tony Robbins is so fond of saying, “Success leaves clues.” Use other people’s ideas to get you out of your slump!

Feeling stuck or unsure is not a sign of your lack of commitment, or weakness, or ineptitude. It is simply part of the evolution process.

Want to go really big? Doubt and distress are mandatory. In order to get to the next level of what you’re doing, you have to experience some pain and some discomfort. Those are the essential ingredients of transformation.

Don’t be afraid to look your pain in the eye and acknowledge its existence. The longer you dance around it, the bigger it will become. Invite your demons to brunch and have a nice, honest chat. Once you get a fix on the exact size and shape of your pain, you’ll have more information on how to maneuvre around it.

Then maybe it’s time to call the whole thing off. If your passion has become more pain than pleasure, and if just thinking about it makes you want to go back to bed, it might be time to do something else.

It sucks to quit something that you’ve poured your essence into, but if it ceased to be fun a long time ago, then you have to listen to yourself and act accordingly.

Pushing through mindlessly is the not the road to success. It is the road to an ulcer.

The upside? Think of all the free time you’ll have to pursue something that truly gets you going. There’s nothing better than feeling excited about what you do, and you deserve to feel that way every single day.


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It’s My Birthday… And All My Classes Are $33!


Happy birthday to me! Today I am 33 years old. I’m not totally sure how that happened but one thing’s for sure: it’s good to be alive. Last night, G and I went to see Louis C.K. at Madison Square Garden, and he was incredible. I’ve never seen better stand-up, and that includes all his past specials. (Bonus: Louis turned 49 yesterday, so it was an extra-special treat to see him on his birthday.)

This morning I woke up to six dozen roses — I don’t even have enough vases to hold them! — and I’m going to spend the rest of my day hanging out with friends. Life isn’t perfect, but I feel happy, and confident, and capable of mastering what this next year is going to throw my way.

Anyway, to celebrate my BIRTHDAY, I’m running a 24 hour sale on all my online classes! Everything is $33! WHAT?!


$97 $33

Radical Self Love Bible School is a super-fun of uncovering your true self. Grab a blank sketchbook and some art supplies and get ready to change the way you see yourself! Over the course of 12 lessons, you’ll learn to dismantle the tyranny of perfection (and embrace your messy genius), unlock the creative side of yourself that has been hidden or squashed, discover how to carve out time for yourself, and fall in love with how incredibly awesome you are. You can learn more about Bible School here.

$47 $33

DARE/DREAM/DO is your no excuses guide to kicking ass and taking names. If you have big dreams but you’re not sure how to bring them to fruition, this is the class for you. Every day for 30 days you’ll receive very direct instructions on how to manage your fear, expand your vision, and take concrete action that really works. (Seriously, it does. Read the testimonials!)

$197 $33

Radical Self Love Bootcamp is my biggest class. If you’re truly ready to take responsibility for your life and become the supernova you know you can be, this is the one for you! Featuring six interviews, essays, transcripts and worksheets, you’ll tackle those thoughts that suffocate your self-esteem, learn how to TRULY love your body, discover how to stop feeling stuck, tango past your fears, find out how gratitude can change your life, and look closely at what it means to manifest miracles. You can read more about Bootcamp here.


$145 $33

Tapping is an incredible healing tool that you can do on your own, with no equipment, at any time you like. I used it to completely get rid of the asthma I’d had since I was a child, as well as depression and an eating disorder. I have never discovered a more incredible or effective way of changing things. You can read more about Tap That here.

Don’t forget, this sale is only in effect for 24 hours… So don’t dilly-dally!

I love you!

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These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things: September 2016


Happy Monday! Welcome to a (long overdue) Favourite Things post. Usually these posts are a little bit more materialistic, and if that’s what you’re looking for, check out the older ones! But, as I have been alluding to, this is a really big time of transformation for me. I’ve been thinking a lot about the mind, reality, radical self love, creativity, and how many of us are trying to escape our pain. It has led me to some pretty interesting places in conversation with others, in my thought process, and on the internet.

Here are a few of the most thought-provoking things I’ve stumbled upon in the past week. I hope you enjoy them!

I’m such a massive fan of RuPaul, so I have no idea why I had never watched an episode of Drag U before. How did I miss this?! Drag U is a show where — essentially using the power of radical self love — three drag queens transform the lives of three women who have low self-esteem. It is AMAZING! I am obsessed. It’s useful, it’s uplifting, and it almost always brings tears to my eyes. The show streams on Amazon, so queue up a few episodes and get ready to have your perspective on life changed.

RuPaul’s podcast with Michelle Visage is one of my new favourite things ever. I really love the podcasts where it’s just the two of them and they’re just having an average conversation, because they vacillate between fun pop culture chat and really deep existential shit. That having been said, my favourite episodes so far are when they interview Bianca Del Rio (so funny, and especially good if you’re a fan of Drag Race) and Henry Rollins (indispensable listening for anyone creative).

Elizabeth Gilbert is a wonderful person. Did you hear the recent news about how she fell in love with her best friend? It made me adore her even more. She is such a stellar example of someone who is not just living her truth, but also experiencing the width of life. Her podcast, Magic Lessons, is a series of interviews with creative people, and it’s essential listening for writers. Two of my favourite episodes are with Neil Gaiman and Brene Brown. Get into it.

My incredible friend Louise Androlia, who is also going through a time of massive change, put me on to Glennon Doyle Melton. Her new book, Love Warrior, just came out, and so she was featured on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday. In this interview, they discuss being “perfect”, eating disorders and numbing out, infidelity, and how we can use pain as a tool for growth and transformation. It is excellent.

I found this interview by Googling “RuPaul podcast meditation” — just wondering if he had gone into the subject in some depth — and ding ding ding! This episode surfaced. I love hearing RuPaul talk about his meditation practice, observing his thoughts, the dark night of the soul, how life is not to be taken seriously, and the mystery of identity. It’s awesome.


Love and the longest hug ever,

Illustration from

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